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Firm but Fair – Room for the Golden Rule

ParentingKey Bible Verse:  Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it. Proverbs 22:6

Bonus Reading:  Matthew 7:1-5,12

Let’s look back at yesterday’s situation to see why I call it “firm but fair.”

If Roger’s father had wanted to, he could have been strictly firm and said, “No game for you this morning. The rule is ‘No chores, no soccer.'”

Instead, however, he bent a little bit and let Roger do his chores, then drove him to the game.  Being late was consequence enough for Roger in this situation.

But if Roger continues to fail to get his chores done by Friday night, then his dad will probably have to simply say “No game at all.”

The firm-but-fair family works to build a sound sense of self-worth in all the members, including the parents.  It avoids the extremes of being too rigid or a wimp.  You’re willing to listen, understand, and, on occasion, bend a little.

The parent is left in charge but, in the flexible atmosphere, children have freedom to think, ask questions, and disagree with parents.  They can feel angry, frustrated, sad, or afraid, and express this in an appropriate way.  They can learn from their mistakes without feeling crushed or stifled by authoritarian insensitivity.

Being firm but fair applies the Golden Rule of parenting: “Treat your kids as you would want to be treated.”

—Kevin Leman in Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down

My Response: Why would rigidly sticking to the agreement terms not be the best solution?

Thought to Apply: A father who teaches his children responsibility provides them with a fortune.—Source Unknown

Adapted from Bringing Up Kids Without Tearing Them Down (Nelson, 1995)

Prayer for the Week: Heavenly Father, help me to reflect Your justice and mercy in the way I discipline my children.

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